How Do You Solve a Problem Like Conchita

Posted: May 13, 2014 in Eurodecadence


Legendary land of mountains and streams.

Land of open fields and majestic cathedrals.

Home to sultry daughters.

Hedy Lamarr.

Romy Schneider.

Home to long-haired, wild-eyed manly men.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

Herbert von Karajan.

Home to warriors both real and make-believe.

Wilhelm von Tegetthoff.

Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Home of thinkers and visionaries.

Hayek and von Mises and Freud.

Austria’s national anthem acknowledges the nation’s place in the history of mankind. “Since the early days of our ancestors thou hast borne the burden of a high mission.”

Austria’s mission has apparently taken a left turn somewhere these past 50 years or so.

(The New Yorker Online) In the wee hours of Sunday morning, this year’s Eurovision Song Contest—a pop extravaganza founded in 1956 with the purpose of fostering good relations between neighbors after the violence of the Second World War—drew to a close.

Many have called it the most political Eurovision ever: over the course of the evening, which was watched by a hundred and twenty million people, the blonde, teen-aged twins representing Russia, where they are widely touted as virgins, were booed—a first in the history of the contest. Televotes from Crimea had been counted, according to Eurovision decree, as Ukrainian. (They went to Sweden.) The Russians had, as usual, awarded high points to Belarus, whose song was about cheesecake.

But the crowning statement was yet to come. As the last of the thirty-seven participating countries weighed in (Israel, the Netherlands, Iceland, Slovenia), a dark-horse winner emerged: Conchita Wurst. A glamorous drag queen, the Austrian candidate was decked out in a long, glittering dress and sported a full beard. The crowd in Copenhagen went wild. “This night is dedicated to everyone who believes in peace and freedom,” Wurst said, brandishing the glass trophy. “You know who you are. We are unity, and we are unstoppable.” Later, in a press conference, she addressed the same message directly to Vladimir Putin.

An Austrian bearded-lady/drag queen suffering from a terminal case of unibrow syndrome, publicly challenged the power-hungry, toxic masculinity poster child and would-be-autocrat leader of the world’s drunkest nation at an event created to foster good relations between Euro neighbors, while wearing a gold-sequined gown and matching size 13 kitten heels. An event where she defeated twin Russian teen-aged virgins, and a song about Belorussian cheesecake.

You can’t make stuff like that up.

If you wish to discuss the decline of Europe and Western civilization in general, you have to look no further than Conchita Wurst and his/her notion that freedom constitutes his/her ability to act and dress in any manner that he/she so desires. To be as ridiculous as he/she wants to be.

It isn’t.

Freedom isn’t libertinism.

Freedom is living in a society where you are allowed to be a libertine (within reasonable boundaries) with impunity from prosecution.

Libertinism is the notion that you can mock the very people who built the society which allows you to engage in libertine behavior, free from persecution or even prosecution, by painting your libertine behavior as the standard for peace and freedom.

Conchita Wurst’s behavior isn’t “freedom”. That freedom comes from the behavior of millions of others who accept his/her desire to look like an absolute idiot, and be proud about it.

Conchita Wurst isn’t a woman trapped in a man’s body. Someone like that would shave the beard and pluck the eyebrows.

Conchita Wurst is a gay guy who wants to wear women’s clothing.

That’s all.

One should warn Conchita that his/her bravado was misdirected, and that he/she should speak out about the current pattern of European immigration, and about the very real possibility that if it remains unchanged he/she may soon be forced to wear a burka… if she’s allowed to live at all.

Or even worse, he/she may be forced to make up his/her mind.

The vision of modern-day Austria that Conchita Wurst represents is starkly different than the one which existed 50 or so years ago.

Visually strikingly.

Worth a thousand words.


Maybe, in that spirit of fostering good relations between Euro neighbors and Conchita Wurst’s notion of “peace and freedom” , Roman Polanski will come out of retirement/hiding and direct a reboot of the 1965 classic film “Dr. Zhivago”, with Wurst as the beautiful and tragic Lara to Vladimir Putin’s Yuri Andreyevich Zhivago.

Maybe that’s how you solve a problem like Conchita.

Hook her up with someone equally as deranged, and watch them both ride off into a Francis Bacon sunset.

I’d pay to see that.

Of course, and what I’ve left out of this narrative, the fact that yesterday the Class of 2014 at my oldest son’s High School participated in “Gender Bender Day”, an exercise in cross-dressing as a display of school spirit and fun. puts us not all that far behind Austria.

And that’s the last wire for Tuesday, May 13th 2014.

What was news before this moment, is now history.

Good night.

  1. […] How Do You Solve a Problem Like Conchita. […]

  2. boilingfrogs says:

    Reblogged this on The Universal Spectator.

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